I am the least non-competitive person I know. So non-competitive I think I win the award for non-competitiveness (I have to win something right! ha)
But really anytime a situation comes up, mainly situations that deal with me playing sports, I just fade into this emotionless void of self doubt. I don’t go the extra mile, I forget the score, I do everything in my power to avoid winning or losing. It just makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I have to justify every mistake I make, assuring others that I don’t care one way or the other what the outcome is.
This spills over into other parts of life too I suppose. I won’t race for the last cookie, I don’t like to play “not it”. Something happened to me in my childhood that makes me completely aloof when it comes to competition.
Now that isn’t to say that I don’t like to enter contests or play the lottery. I am very much interested in things that are individual sports or challenges, something I can beat myself at or not have direct competitors or teammates.
Cara wants me to enter in tennis tourneys with her, not interested.
Work has a softball team they want me to play on, not interested.
The pressure is getting to me, I don’t want to suck or let anyone down. I am a bench coach, a side line observer.
I know I am weird, just something I was thinking about it.
