The Next Part
Breathing was becoming more and more of an issue for me. My whole body was taking on the form of a helium balloon defused of its power and skimming dangerously closer to the floor. My neck was rubbery and would bounce from side to side before resting casually on the collar of my shirt for a moment. It didn’t feel exactly like a heart attack, maybe closer to a heart denied of use.
My next move was to fall backwards and close my eyes, but the figure standing before me was silently holding me up with its presence alone. My eyes were falling out of focus and this captivating creature lingering before me was indistinguishable from the harshly lit beige walls behind it. I could feel my elbows shaking and my feet go numb. The only motor function that had yet to betray me was my hearing. The figure spoke.
‘Ian? Can you hear me? Ian, are you ok? Ian!’
I could hear the sorted worry in their voice. The maternal nature of the tone was undeniable. The voice, like a downpour, filled life back into me. She stood for a moment, her brown eyes glassy. I couldn’t decide but she seemed somewhere between taking me up into her arms and rocking me back to consciousness or throwing her eyes back into her head and letting out a profound sigh as she boldly exited the room never to return.
Clearly she was aware of the reaction her not so subtle dismissal of our association had caused. I could sense some guilt in her face, but didn’t want to acknowledge it. The blood was returning to my face and I was starting to feel the floor at the bottom of my feet again.
I still hadn’t answered her request on my wellbeing, instead lingering on the fact that I would be sleeping alone for the unforeseeable future. Strangely I had yet to question reason in her lost feelings; I suppose I saw it coming.
My mind wandered to post break-up actions. Increased hours home alone in a dark room, my first twitter sans girlfriend. A cavalcade of worthless concerns marched through my mind. Her image was again becoming blurry, she was moving towards the door.
Realizing she was actually leaving the situation, born out of my own inability to defend myself, I was settling into the idea of the room without her. I sucked in a single long breath and heard the door quietly shut behind me. I expected it to slam, her last courtesy.
I was waiting for the second wind, my rebirth, but I could feel my blood slowing down, imagining the cracks in my heart gapping now. She was gone, she had her reasons. I wasn’t given the power to stop her. Slowly and without much effort I slid out of my chair, downward, my balloon like body finally touching the carpeted floor. Where was I to go from here?
-By Ian Cahill
